Balanced Relationships Aren't 50-50

That can be seen as `balanced’ because it’s what Mary needed, and no capitulation is involved on her part. There’s no domination, no battle of wills -- so it’s good for both of them. As long as Bob doesn’t take advantage of her submissiveness, their balance with each other will continue.

Another example could be this: Tom, a compassionate man, meets Karen. She has had a troubled childhood, and has not had great success in her adult relationships. Scars from the past still affect her significantly. She tends to be insecure, and therefore soaks up all the reassurance and attention she can get. Tom is aware of those emotional scars because Karen has told him of the experiences which created them, and is intuitive enough to understand what they can imply.

He sees many things in her which are worthwhile and important to him -- things she doesn’t see in herself because of her insecurities -- and makes the decision to make every effort to reassure her of all the good he sees in her, confident she will eventually begin to recognize them also, and will therefore be freer and happier with and about herself. There is balance here also because any `compromise’ he might make is done willingly for her sake, and eventually they will reap the rewards as a unified couple.

The only caution flag here is that their balance with each other will erode if she were to begin manipulating his compassion and love; as easily as it would if he were to begin implying that she "owes" him on account of his effort -- a decision he made in the first place.

Consistently applied, this will ensure preservation of harmony between you. If you’re consistent, there’s little room left to wonder where you stand; it will eliminate a great deal of stress, allowing more room in your mind for clear thought and sound decisions. You will feel confident about who and what you are, and that’s important because if you aren’t sure who you are how can you be sure who is right for you?

Unfortunately for all of us, there are certain people who do intentionally use, abuse, dominate, manipulate, and hurt other people, to further their own ends, (due to their own insecurities). These people gravitate toward those they perceive as weaker than they. When you’re happy with yourself, and confident of who and what you are, you’re not the type of individual they will seek out, or stay with -- unless you allow them to.

Secondly, neither person will be enduring the pressure of trying to always appear proficient in every way -- living a facade such as that is entirely stressful, and stress in a relationship should be relieved wherever possible. In areas where both of you share the same weakness, you can work on whatever it is together; thereby reducing the `work load’ required to get it done.

Doing things together is a way of being important allies to each other in a common cause. It enhances your respect for each other, and you may even learn some new skills, or good habits with each other.

Next Page >> Crawl Before You Walk