Love Relationship Basics
Other than certain single-cell organisms, the majority of creatures
inhabiting this earth continue their existence through male-female
interaction. This means there are some 'love relationship basics' to pay
attention to ... some rules, one might say!
We humans are `love-tropic’ organisms which means we respond to,
and need, love & acceptance, and we spend a significant portion of our
lives seeking one, the other, or both. Simply put, we need each other --
yet we have so many problems satisfying that need.
Our society is largely responsible for the difficulties so many people
face. Chief among our societal problems is the breakdown of the family
unit. Many children, nowadays, grow up having no real point of
reference concerning what a family is. Others grow up without the full
measure of parental nurturing and guidance because both parents must
work just to provide just the basic necessities of life! And we’ve all heard
of parents abusing their own offspring while venting their frustration,
disappointment, insecurities and anger over the state of their own lives.
Some men, threatened by the new powers of self-determination women
have, resort to physical and/or mental violence to control them.
Conversely, there are also women who feel so competitive toward men
they feel compelled to manipulate and/or control those they’re involved
with. The list could go on and on.
The good news is that the people and situations illustrated above are
actually not in the majority -- they’re simply more visible, and therefore
more focused on and talked about. Unfortunately, that means we are
literally bombarded with negativity where relationships are concerned,
and whether we like it or not, it has an undermining effect on each of us
to one degree or another.
Consequently, we often tend to jump into relationships too soon, and for
the wrong reasons -- mistakenly believing we’ve found some sort of
"safe-haven" from all that `ugliness’ we’ve been subjected to, and even
more unfortunately, when things start to sour, we then begin to make
excuses and justifications for it which only provides time for things to
get worse!
The outcome is a negative experience which is deemed consistent with
all we’ve heard, and from that we develop attitudes which can be very
difficult to change later on.
Most of us are quite willing to enter into a faithful, supportive
relationship. The difficult parts are getting past our fears of failure, past
experiences and finding that right person of course! The right person
can do a whole lot toward healing our fears and old hurts. The search
for Mr. or Ms. Right isn’t really isn’t as much a matter of searching
through a lot of quantity, as it is a matter of being intelligently selective
in accordance with our own values, needs, desires, and aspirations.
The bottom line is this: there are many people who are truly unaware of
what a close relationship feels like, and therefore can’t really know what
to look for, for themselves, or even what they, themselves, are able to
contribute to one. Establishing these things is a matter of first being
aware of what could be, and then a process of honest introspection to
determine the answers to those questions.
These aren’t ‘bad’ people, just people who, as with all of us, are the
result of their own life’s experiences. Often they’ve endured one
disappointment after another which has only served to compound the
negative things they’ve learned to believe. It’s got to be a tough position
to be in knowing something is missing in your life, yet being unable, or
too afraid, to recognize what it is and not be able to comprehend why
happiness seems so elusive.
Relationships can and do work, but they take work, and certain ‘basics’
are essential to begin with. They’re basics which pertain to the selection
of a partner, and to a relationship in general. They’re fundamentals
which are easy enough to learn, but do take work to apply. The first
thing you must do is make a commitment to yourself -- a commitment to
do the personal work on old problems and attitudes, then not
compromise on the individual things you need to be truly happy and
fulfilled. Without that commitment, your likelihood of finding yourself with
the wrong person (again?), is increased substantially!
It’s not the easiest thing to find what you want; but with patience, self
respect, and some good old common sense, it is possible. Considering
the major role a partner plays in our lives, it should only make sense to
carefully select who that person will be.
I hope this small book will help you on your way to finding that one
special person with whom life can be such a wonderful and fulfilling
adventure.
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