If you want someone to change,
the best way to do it is to set the example -- because you’re not perfect
either. Someone who genuinely loves and respects you is more likely to want
to change, (rather than feeling they "have to" change), if they can see the
change will improve the quality of the relationship.
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Respect can come from
seeing you
being honest enough with yourself
to recognize your shortcomings,
then doing something about them.
Nobody can be everything to
another person. They may come close, but the odds against 100% are very,
very high. It would be unrealistic, not to mention totally frustrating, to
expect otherwise. Focus upon, and support your partner for all the good
things about them, and accept the things which you think are not so good.
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Accept your partner as you would
have your partner accept you; for what you are -- and aren’t. People have a
tendency to criticize others about the same things for which they make
excuses for themselves. This can lead to increasing tensions which are
needless.
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A person must be realistic in their `expectations’ of someone else
-- rather than trying to form fit him or her to a `fantasy partner’.
A
potentially great relationship can be quickly eroded by such selfishness. |
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The same result will occur if
you hold your partner in comparison to someone past. When doing this, you’re
being completely oblivious to his or her own special and unique qualities,
talents, and abilities. Your partner will sense what is going on, and only
tolerate it for so long before beginning to back away from the ‘scrutiny’.
So take a good honest look at
the expectations you may have of your partner, or the unconscious
comparisons you may have been making. If the relationship is valuable to
you, the next step should be quite obvious.
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Ongoing communication is important
