When trust doesn’t exist,
there’s a tendency to focus on minor issues, and make them into bigger ones
than warranted. This is an "ammunition gathering exercise" -- stockpiling
for the day you suspect it will probably be needed to "defend the fort", or
"escape from the enemy". It’s a defense mechanism.
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Without trust, there is always
a lot more room for suspicions to grow; suspicions which trigger those fears
which are at the very root of defensiveness; and that brings us full cycle
-- back to square one -- back to where we didn’t want to be in the first
place!
Willingness to share, or not
share your fears, can act as a barometer with regard to how you really feel
about a person. (By "willingness", I don’t imply the natural apprehension
you may feel about initiating something, and taking a step which may be
unfamiliar to you.) At first it will require some courage to take that step
-- since it’s not what you might normally do. However, you will find the
confidence to do so if your heart tells you you’re with the right person.
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If you simply can’t bring
yourself to open up, no matter how much you’d like to or want to or try,
then your sixth sense is probably telling you something you should listen
carefully to -- it’s telling you to re-evaluate the criteria upon which you
based your decision to get involved with that person. If you’re honest with
yourself, you will know what the truth is.
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A `bonus’ in taking the initiative is that you will know you are
doing, and have done, your best to be sincerely and fully involved.
Even if things don’t work out between you, as they sometimes won’t,
you will find you develop more respect for yourself as a worthwhile
partner for someone. |
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You’ll find this helps you be
patient in your search for Mr. or Ms. "Right", and to avoid temptations to
make unreasonable compromises for the sake of just being with someone.
What sense could there be in
even beginning a relationship with someone you don’t feel you can trust?
Where can you truly expect to go from a beginning like that? Don’t expect
what you are not prepared to give in the first place.
START TELLING YOUR PARTNER
ABOUT YOUR FEARS AND WHY THEY EXIST! If there’s little or no trust in a
relationship, there’s also little or no sense of safety or progress.
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Balance Isn't Always 50-50
