Start a Relationship Slowly
Start a Relationship Slowly
You should expect to start the relationship slowly and easily - you must
crawl before you can walk, and walk before you can run. Needless to
say, therefore, you likely won’t be making major revelations or
confessions on your first date.
But when it looks as though the two of you are going to be spending
time with each other on an regular basis, then you can start with
something small or amusing -- something which doesn’t make you feel
too exposed or vulnerable.
It’s at least a beginning, and as you go along, you’ll soon develop a
feeling for how receptive and open your new partner is. Remember
‘balance’; if you find yourself doing all the giving with no sign of any
willingness to reciprocate, then it may very well be time to think about
just where things are realistically going between the two of you.
If you find yourself in this position, there are two directions you could
pursue. If you’re the assertive type, you might ask your new friend why
he or she doesn’t feel comfortable opening up with you. The question
itself may be just what it takes to get the ball rolling.
If, however, the response is something along the lines that there is
nothing they are unsure of themselves about, or that worries them, it’s
likely a good bet they’re not truly ready for a two way relationship with
anyone, let alone you. The other option is to simply withdraw
somewhat. This is not meant to suggest playing a `head game’ of any
sort -- the object is not to manipulate; it is, however, to open doors to
more healthy and free flowing communication.
A person who’s sensitive to you, and aware of you, will pick up on the
change and probably ask what’s wrong. Someone who genuinely
cares about you is going to have natural and spontaneous curiosity
about changes in your mood or frame of mind. Then you can express
your feelings about doing all the giving, and that with no reciprocation
you were feeling rather exposed, and left out of their life. Again, with
the door now open, progress should follow.
If it doesn’t, you would be wise to reconsider spending any more time
with him or her. It would certainly be safe to assume that this individual
has little or no intention to try. These are the things to watch for --
basic guidelines which cannot take into account every individual
circumstance which could be involved. You must be the final judge
There may be those of you who would say; "Well, I already knew all
this stuff." My question to you, then, would be; "So why aren’t you
using it?", and if you were to then answer me that you are, I would ask
you; "How much, and how consistently are you applying it?" "Are you
REALLY using it, or just skirting the edges?" There’s nothing very
complex in what I’m saying, but that, of itself, may be why it’s so often
over looked or ignored -- it’s simple, in a world where complexity is
assumed to be the order of the day.
The world is a complex and stressful place; so why not simplify it
where possible, and avoid the unnecessary stresses we’re able to?
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